my pussy (this_cunt) wrote,
my pussy

recollection: first flow

around the end of 1997 (december or november) i was thirteen and had my first period. when i was 12 i'd done thorough reasearch on the topic. i was terrified about starting. everything i read and everything they told us in 6th grade after quartering off the boys and girls implied that all girls wanted, couldn't wait, to start their flows. the girls in the video were basically competing to see who could bleed first. it was completely beyond me why these girls would ever wish for this. the books talked about cramps and exercises, plastic, cotton, and... pain. lots of pain. maybe there really was no such emphasis on pain in the books, but it's the only thing i remember so vividly.

i started my period at night. it was a weekend and i was staying up late watching an old black and white movie which was somewhat of a habit i'd picked up after my grandfather died. i was sitting in the dark on my floor in front of the tv. i felt something warm and moist coming out, kind of leaking and settling, but i didn't think about it. if it did cross my mind that maybe i'd started my period i did not want to believe that. when the movie was over i went to bed and when i got up i saw red-brown spots on my sheets. i knew now. i looked at the carpet in front of the tv and, sure enough, there was a brown spot. i wasn't mad or happy or upset or sad. i can't remember feeling anything, just thinking, 'this will happen every month forever from now on.' my next period didn't come until 6 months later and it was sporadic for what seemed like years, though i think i just wasn't paying enough attention to my cycles.
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