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my pussy

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nicknames [05 Jul 2004|05:03pm]
when i was little my mom always referred to my vagina as my "tutu." i always had these visions of my vagina as a frilly pink tulle skirt. i've never found anyone else whose mother called her vagina a "tutu."

here are some of my favorite nicknames for vaginas:

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no tampons [10 Mar 2004|04:17pm]
during my first few periods i only wore disposable pads. i was too squeamish to even imagine shoving a tampon in myself. anyhow, the tampons my mom had in the bathroom cabinet looked so huge! i couldn't even believe she got those things in her.

one day i decided to try it out. i had gotten some 'slim' tampons in some promotional thing and they looked a lot friendlier than my mom's giant wads of cotton. i was finally going to do it. i sat down on the toilet and unwrapped the tampon. the "eco-friendly" cardboard applicator looked thin and harmless enough. but, the very top, where the tampon came out, looked jagged. the little cut-out X on the tip looked mean and sharp. i really didn't want this thing in my vagina. but, it would be more comfortable and less messy compared to a pad, right?

so, i took a breath, squatted in the position the instructions on the box recommended, and put the nasty little thing on the opening of my vagina. i pushed it in maybe half an inch, if that, then i totally chickened out. i sat down, looked at the tiny bit of blood on the tip, and threw it away. i flushed, though there was nothing to flush, and left. oh well, at least it was free...

i tried two more times and i actually got one in once, but i only wore it for one day. i was so terrified of TSS i could only stand to use it on my very heaviest day.

you will never catch me with a tampon shoved up my cunt. part of my squeamishness about tampons was the idea that i was stopping my natural flow. that's just something you don't mess with, you know? also the bleached cotton they are made of has dioxins which will make my pussy sad and angry.
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my hymen [10 Mar 2004|03:11pm]
for a long time i didn't know where my hymen was or even what it was. i just knew that it was a thin membrane that eventually gets torn or stretched. i can't recall my hymen ever being torn so i assumed it just did when i was younger and i didn't notice, or i never had one at all like some girls. i did some research on hymens and found that the hymen is actually near the opening of the vagina, not further back into it as i had thought. i also found that there are several different ways the hymen can be attached (or unattached). my hymen looks like four flower petals and i think it's adorable.
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a description [25 Feb 2004|06:14pm]
my vulva is small. well, from my encounters with other vaginas at least. small and pink and... well, cute.

my labia majora, or outer lips, are plump. on the outside part nearest my thighs they are the same color as my skin, if not a little pinker, and covered in hair. moving toward my inner lips they are hairless, smooth, light pink, and generally moist.

my inner lips, or labia minora, are smaller and thin. they are a rosy pink and usually moist. they reach from under the hood of my clitoris to the base of my opening. usually there is a clear to whiteish deposit of fluid in the crevices between my labias and along my opening.

right inside my inner labia is my hymen. it is the darkest shade of pink on my vulva and it looks almost flowerlike. when i spread my lips and opening apart my hymen looks like four small, round dark pink petals rotating around and open. no, seriously. that's what it looks like, i'm not trying to be all poetic or something.

the hair along the outside of my outer labia spreads from over my mound and a bit onto my inner thighs. it runs along my outer labia and down to my anus where it gets sparse as it moves a little past.

the width of the hood of my clitoris is 1/2 inch.

the length of my inner labia is 1 inch.

from the top of the hood to the end of my labia minora is 2 1/2 inches.
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a list [23 Feb 2004|10:55pm]
everything that has entered my vagina:

fingers (and thumbs)
hairbrush handles (and blush brush handles)
tampons (and their applicators)
artificial lubricants
over-the-counter yeast infection treatment cream (and its applicator)
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recollection: the "vagina incident" [23 Feb 2004|10:09pm]
sometime around december 16, 2003 was the "vagina incident." it was frightening, certainly. i got out of bed to go to the bathroom right after i'd had sex with my girlfriend. i noticed that my vagina felt dry and sore, but we were having unusually rough sex so it made sense. plus, i usually felt dry after sex anyhow. walking down the hall i noticed that my vagina felt... large. i felt like i had something wedged between my thighs. when i sat down on the toilet i pulled apart my outer labia and peered down. my inner labia looked larger, swollen, but i couldn't get a good view so i let go and pissed. the burning and stinging was insane! i finished and went back to my room stating that there was something wrong, very wrong, with my vagina.

i got on the bed, spread my legs, and my girlfriend checked it out for me. her expression was one of shock, horror, and disbelief. i was scared already, now i was becoming slightly panicked. i told her to get my hand mirror so i could see. it was huge. gigantic. enormous. i've never seen my vagina - or any vagina! - in such a state. my vulva was swollen to at least four times its size. i couldn't stop looking at it. the skin was super tight and translucent. it was a deep pink, almost red, instead of its usual pale, gentle pink color. my girlfriend couldn't stop looking either and kept asking to touch it. it hurt when she touched it, it was so dry, so i cringed when she even came near me. we wondered what made my vagina so swollen. it had to be the rough sex. she didn't want to believe she'd made that happen, but what else could have? it couldn't be a disease - in my paranoia i thought of everything that could have caused this. she said that after girls get some part of their vagina pierced it swells up and looks like what mine did. she sat at my laptop and started looking for pictures of freshly pierced vaginas. she couldn't find anything and i wanted to do something about my swollen vulva, but i had no idea what.

i decided to take a shower in hopes that would do something - anything. the hot water felt boiling on my vagina. i roughed it out and stood with my back to the stream of water letting it run down my back and over my vagina. i stood there for about 45 minutes coming up with no solutions until, finally, i thought of something: my roommate's mom! she used to be a midwife and is a registered nurse. i got out of the shower and told my girlfriend we should call her and see if she had any advice. i made my girlfriend call because a sudden fit of modesty overcame me. the phone eventually, however, ended up in my reluctant hand and i was explaining the situation to my roommate's mother. while giving descriptions of my sex life and the current state of my vagina over the phone i couldn't help but break into a fit of laughter. i'm surprised she didn't think we were prank calling - i guess she noticed the panic in my voice between the laughter. she told me that rough sex can cause tiny but numerous lacerations and my body will sense trauma and the cut skin will swell up. she said i needed to put some aloe vera on a towel and sit on it. i sent my girlfriend to our friend's to get some and when she returned i cautiously squirted it on a paper towel and slowly put it on my vagina. the cooling gel was wonderful! i lie in bed for an hour re-applying the aloe over and over. eventually, i put an ice pack on it to help the swelling go down. finally, my girlfriend checked to see what state i was in and it had gone down some! i looked with the hand mirror and i was so relieved. my vagina lives on! the whole while i had this creepy feeling that my vagina would be stuck like that forever. i didn't really conciously think it, i just felt utter hopelessness for my swollen vulva. i felt diseased.

a few hours after "the incident" and my vagina was back to normal and i was once again a very happy pussy.
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recollection: "i thought garlic just tasted good!" [15 Feb 2004|09:24pm]
i think it was sometime around november (11/03). i got a yeasty. i'd had one once a few years before and i'd used an over-the-counter treatment, but i didn't want to this time. i didn't want to spend the money, it probably wasn't animal-friendly, and a natural remedy just seemed like the best way to go.

so, i did some internet research and decided to go with the garlic method. i cut a piece of (huge!) elephant garlic into a 1" x 1/2" chunk and tied a 'string' made of a cut plastic grocery bag to it. i thought of using yarn but i didn't want pieces of acrylic to come off inside me and get stuck to my walls potentially leaving me with toxic shock syndrome. i didn't want the garlic to touch my vulva and make it sting so i had my girlfriend stick it in me while i held the lips far apart. it felt odd having something enter my vagina while completely unaroused. i don't wear tampons or use sea sponges or cups so a great deal of my experiences with insertion are sexual.

i went for the rest of the day with the garlic inside me and the itching , burning, and discharge disappeared. i took it out that night and my girlfriend put a new one in to do its magic while i slept. i took it out the next morning and i've been yeast free since. now i can't believe all those medications - the pills, insertable capsules, and creams - even exist. it's so simple, cheap, and easy to cure a yeasty. and i thought garlic just tasted good!
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recollection: first flow [15 Feb 2004|08:58pm]
around the end of 1997 (december or november) i was thirteen and had my first period. when i was 12 i'd done thorough reasearch on the topic. i was terrified about starting. everything i read and everything they told us in 6th grade after quartering off the boys and girls implied that all girls wanted, couldn't wait, to start their flows. the girls in the video were basically competing to see who could bleed first. it was completely beyond me why these girls would ever wish for this. the books talked about cramps and exercises, plastic, cotton, and... pain. lots of pain. maybe there really was no such emphasis on pain in the books, but it's the only thing i remember so vividly.

i started my period at night. it was a weekend and i was staying up late watching an old black and white movie which was somewhat of a habit i'd picked up after my grandfather died. i was sitting in the dark on my floor in front of the tv. i felt something warm and moist coming out, kind of leaking and settling, but i didn't think about it. if it did cross my mind that maybe i'd started my period i did not want to believe that. when the movie was over i went to bed and when i got up i saw red-brown spots on my sheets. i knew now. i looked at the carpet in front of the tv and, sure enough, there was a brown spot. i wasn't mad or happy or upset or sad. i can't remember feeling anything, just thinking, 'this will happen every month forever from now on.' my next period didn't come until 6 months later and it was sporadic for what seemed like years, though i think i just wasn't paying enough attention to my cycles.
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2/15/04 [15 Feb 2004|05:45pm]
paying attention to my cycle and my vagina in general makes me feel so comforted and reassured. it feels good to predict when my flow will start and then have it arrive just as expected. eight days ago on 2/5/04 i predicted that i would start in about one week, and sure enough:

my flow started friday (2/13). it started during seminar about a quarter to 2. i could feel the warm squishes leaking out onto the crotch of my tights. after putting on an unbleached cotton pad (no dioxins for this pussy!) i went to a party. i never get cramps (only once have i, and that was because of an extreme situation), but for some reason this night i did. i think it may have been because i didn't eat as much as i usually do. they weren't bad - really just a dull pressure in my abdomen. i had my friend massage my ovaries and, surprisingly, he did a great job! i don't have much experience with relieving cramps as i've only had them once, but this approach worked just fine! yesterday (2/14) when i was taking a shower i pulled a splook from my pubes. i've felt my splooks before and this one was different. i fingered it and pulled it apart a few times. this one had a different texture - tougher and fibrous. my splooks are usually slippery and more like mucous.

other than the dull cramps on the first day this period had been smooth sailing. i've been so lucky. somehow i ended up having such nice, wonderful flows. it may have something to do with the fact that i've never hated or feared my flow. i've heard of cases where someone with horrible cramps sees a significant decrease in pain or a disappearance of it altogether when she focuses more on her vagina and flow and learns to love them.
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